The RED Balloon
by Jlpred
Summary: After a RED balloon is found in the Respawn room, a certain mercenary grows attached to it. Side Story to Schrodinger. You could say it's Chapter 4.5.
1. The RED Balloon

I juggled the balloon from one hand to the other as I strolled down the halls; so out of place, being in the middle of a battlefield.

"Yo Engie! Whatcha got there?" Scout's eyes lit up at the possibility of some form of new entertainment; this endless cycle tends to do that to a person.

"I found a balloon down by the lockers, figured I'd bring it on up." Demoman gulped down a bit of his Scrumpy before a devious smile spread across his face.

"Well? Wot are ye waitin' fer? Throw it up, laddie!"

"Alrighty then!" I threw the RED logo-ed balloon into the air and passed it lightly to Demoman.

"Hah! Wot's this now? Ye call that a pass?" He spiked the balloon into Scout's face.

"Hey! I wasn't ready, cyclops." Scout pouted before passing the balloon begrudgingly to me.

"Y'all wanna see a _real _balloon pass?" I quickly calculated the distance and force it would take for this plan to work. I reeled back my arm, tossing up the balloon in a playful yet slightly cocky manner, and hit Spy right in the side of his balaclava as he walked between Demoman and I. It bounced harmlessly to the floor, but Spy's icy glare was not so forgiving.

"... Gentlemen." Spy picked up the balloon with vague interest. "Might I inquire as to where zhis came from?"

"Engie found it down near spawn. Ya gonna pass it or what, Spah?" Spy traced the RED logo lightly with his silk gloves before backhand-passing it back to me. He smirked at my befuddled expression. I honestly thought he was going to knife it or something along those lines.

"Oh please, I am not zhat 'eartless!" He cried sarcastically. "Besides, what would zhe higher-ups think if I popped some of zheir 'precious merchandise'?" He leaned against the wall next to Demoman lighting a cigarette cooly. I passed the balloon to Demoman, all the gusto from earlier lost.

"Say, what's that on the other side of the balloon?" Demo turned it to see an eight. It had been drawn in black marker, but there was something about it that drew out a part of him he'd long since abandoned.

"Demo? What's wrong, ya look like ya'd seen a spook." Scout nudged Spy who rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to Demoman.

"Oi, where'd ya pikers get that?" Sniper leaned against the doorway with one eyebrow arched, successfully cutting off the Scotsman before he could speak. This balloon is doing more harm than good…

"Why are you interested, bushman?" Spy took a drag of his cigarette before flicking it at Sniper's feet.

"Just curious, ya bloody mongrel. Always lookin' for alternate motives. Typical." He ground the cigarette out with the tip of his boot. "Bloody cancer sticks…"

"Engie found it in tha locker room. Ya want it or something?" Sniper tilted his head from side to side, as if weighing his options.

"Wot's that on tha back? Looks like it was added on."

"Yeah, what were ya gonna say, Demo?"

"Nothin', dun worry about it laddie." Demoman tossed the balloon to Sniper halfheartedly before walking out of the room.

"What's got his kilt in a bunch?" I looked over to see Spy padded himself down. "Something wrong, Spook?" He froze before resuming his usual smug posture.

"Non, I was simply making sure none of zhe balloon's ink got on my suit."

"It only hit your mask…" I eyed him carefully before shrugging it off. Never helps to press a spook for details. They either fight or lie. If possible in this contract, they'd probably fly, too.

* * *

Sniper threw the balloon up a couple of times, apparently satisfied. I chuckled as we all headed towards the kitchenette near the middle of the base for lunch.

"Ya want a sandwich today, Sniper?" He nodded distantly. Seems that balloon sent him to a whole 'nother world. I appreciate his more child-like self. Better than what he's usually like. I put his sandwich on the table. He'll eat it when he gets to it.

"So Scout, 'ow ez zhat solo plan going for you? Attacking zhe entire other team with nothing but a baseball bat and a gun. Surely you've got zhem on zhe run." Scout glared daggers at Spy before jerking open the refrigerator.

"Hey, Engie! We need ta resupply tha fridge." Another run into town? Sounds fun. Especially when a fidgety Bostonian decides to join the road trip last minute only to complain the whole way there. Either that or he'll crash from _Bonk!_ overdose and sleep on the way to town. That'd be nice.

As rest of the team entered, Pyro gave Sniper a quizzical look while he was playing with the balloon.

"Mphat's mpith mphe mpalloon?" Sniper held it close to his chest protectively.

"You're not gonna light it, are ya?" Pyro shook his head. Sniper hesitated before handing it to him. Not that he's usually open or sharing, but for him this is a bit… uncharacteristic. I munched on my sandwich as Pyro examined the balloon, tilting his head this way and that whenever he found something curious.

"Hudda." Pyro passed the balloon back to Sniper, who fumbled to catch it before it fell to the ground. Muffled giggles were contrasted by Sniper's deep growl.

"He's acting rather odd, isn't he?" Medic whispered to me as Sniper stomped out of the room.

"Can't rightly say, pardner."

"Vell, you talk to him more than anyone else on this team." I looked up to see that all eyes were on me.

"Dagnabbit, y'all ain't just gonna let 'im go, are ya?"

"If zhat balloon interferes with zhe bushman's work, zhe one who found it ez indirectly responsible for 'is behavior, non?" Teamkill. Why aren't you allowed?

"Alright, I'll go talk to 'im!" I set my sandwich down with a huff. I know it's not gonna be there when I get back; Sniper's is already gone.

* * *

After a short search through his various 'nests', I leaned against the doorframe of his more secluded one. He was sitting against the wall with his legs crossed Indian-style. The balloon was hugged tightly to his chest and he was staring at the floorboards intensely. I folded my arms and waited. The silence seemed to last only a short time, because whatever it was that was bothering him seemed to really be eating him up.

"Truckie, ya ever get lonely out here? The constant fighting between RED an' BLU…" He trailed off before looking up at me. "Ya think my folks back home 'll miss me when I'm gone?" I shuffled over to him and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Where's this all coming from, Slim? Y' didn't mention anything like this before." He fumbled around with the balloon, words escaped him for the longest time.

"Truckie, there's something I need to tell ya-"

"Hey!" Scout bounded into the room with his usual cocky attitude. "Match starts in 5, Legs. Make sure those BLU's don't get ova here, alright?" Sober mood officially ruined, Sniper nodded before brushing past the young Bostonian. I suppose that secret will have to wait.

Before I left the nest to join the others in the respawn room, I caught a glimpse of that same RED balloon mostly hidden behind one of the crates. Maybe even the most heartless of mercenaries have tenderness somewhere in their souls after all.


	2. I Will Protect You

I set up my sentry near the entrance of the fort. It chirped happily as the sun's rays hit it's cold metal. I chuckled as I worked on upgrading it. God knows Scout isn't going to win this one-sided battle. The BLU's are just playing with him now, humoring themselves. At least they aren't coming after our intel though.

This isn't the first time Scout's tried to go against the entire BLU team by himself. He's always trying to prove himself needlessly. It's a shame. Although he's the youngest member of the team, most of us have already accepted him as an important merc. It's almost as if he's trying to prove to himself that he belongs here…

The BLU Soldier fell to the ground, blood pooled around his stomach. He cried out in pain before their Medic came over to help. I know Slim likes to torture the other team, but this is just sloppy work. I pulled out my shotgun and killed their Medic, though I suppose if I was a little quicker I might not have a rocket launcher aimed at me right now.

The next few seconds were a blur. Rockets flew at me, my sentry exploded, the other teams' Demoman and Heavy were crossing the bridge, but they were handicapped quickly by Sniper. The last thing I saw before the rockets blew up was a smiling frenchman holding his Electro-sapper above the remains of my sentry. Slimy bastard.

* * *

Respawn often leaves me nauseated. Images and memories fill in the 15 seconds it takes the machine to build me back together, but it's enough to make my stomach churn. I sat down on the metal bench with my hardhat sitting next to me. I just need a second to settle-

"Gah! Bloody Bogan!" I grabbed up my hardhat. No rest for the weary, or those in the middle of a war. I ran up the stairs to Sniper's nest. No doubt Frenchie is the one paying our Sniper a visit. I took my wrench out of my belt, ready to club him upside the head the second I saw his slimy face. I turned the corner into the nest, and froze in my place.

The Spy was already heading to respawn, but I saw multiple lacerations on his suit. It was almost enough to make me feel sorry for the poor baguette. Sniper's rifle lay on the ground, his kukri embedded in the fading Spy's chest and probably some of the floorboards beneath. His hat was upside down on the ground, but all of these weren't uncommon on the battlefield. It was the fact that Sniper was hanging up that damned RED balloon in the corner of the room. His words were faint, so faint I barely picked up on what they were. But the sad smile on his face helped me to decipher his words: "I will protect you."

I backed out of his nest, trying to register what I just saw. He really is getting lonely. Maybe I should call up the Administrator… No, this is an internal affair. Better to treat it like one.

My boots thudded down the steps with less enthusiasm than ever before. I never really was good with solving matters of the heart. I was always better with machines. That being said, I never really understood the way to a lady's heart. Maybe I should solve my own problems before I go poking around in Slim's… Although my problems don't interfere with my work.

* * *

"Put dispenser here!" Heavy pointed to a corner near the entrance of the fort.

"Alrighty then." Still, is it really a bad thing to let him have that balloon? If it awakens some animalistic instinct in Sniper, then what's the harm? He did take out the Spy, even though he was at a disadvantage. Perhaps… Keeping the balloon wouldn't be such a bad idea after all.


	3. RED Herring

Now, it isn't often that I complain about how others act, but Sniper seems to be distracted. Even if he is handicapping the BLU's, that's not enough to put bread on the table! A low growl escaped my throat as I reloaded my shotgun. If I didn't know him better, I'd curse him to high Heaven for being a sadistic, low-down scoundrel. If we were really in a pinch, he'd be the first to rise to the occasion to push back. The way he does it is a bit questionable, yeah. But a job's a job. That being said: he needs to make up for the balloon with more headshots.

Footsteps echoed through the corridor, but stopped abruptly near the corner. I furrowed my brow. The shoes sound like the other team's Scout. Trouble is… He's not usually this cautious. I sat up in the recliner, cocking my shotgun to ready myself for a fight if need be.

I shifted uneasily in my seat. Not only is this uncharacteristic of their Scout, it's downright unheard of! He always comes shooting down the hallways with that cocky grin of his. I know our Spy is lurking around the halls upstairs somewhere; he was put on defense detail with Soldier and Sniper, but did any of them see which Scout came in? Or is this even a Scout? His behavior is more typical for a Spy. I glanced at the intel room entrance nervously. My ears twitched when I heard the familiar squeak of his cleats.

"Hey, Engie!" Our Scout rounded the corner, but avoided eye contact. "I, uh… Ya mind if I borrow Heavy and Medic for a bit? Those BLU bastards are a bit…" He trailed off, rubbing the nape of his neck sheepishly. I let out a sigh of relief. So he was just embarrassed about asking for help? I got up out of my chair and stretched.

"Y'all need ta be more careful, I almost thought you were the damn spook!" I chuckled a bit, but watched his reaction carefully behind my goggles. He seemed unfazed.

"Ya, I get that a lot. Just hurry up and get Fatso and Dr. Von Strudel." He jutted out his bottom lip in a pouty fashion. I gripped the shotgun tighter.

"Since when did y'all start callin' them that?" He gave me a confused look.

"I heard Sol call Medic that, and Tubbo's self-explanatory. They still in tha intel room?" He started walking towards my side of the room, but I quickly halted him. "Dude, what's your problem?" I raised my shotgun to his head.

"Scout doesn't use offensive nicknames for teammates, spook."

A shot rang through the air before the disguised Spy fell to the floor. I saw my team's Spy sneer at the body in front on me.

"'e ez a disgrace to Spies." He was about to turn away when he saw a golden watch in the Spy's glove.

We both charged into the intel room. Heavy and Medic looked up from their chess match on the briefcase, Pyro muffled a few frantic questions. Demoman was unusually sober. What isn't going haywire today? Did I not get a memo that everyone is supposed to act insane?

A knot formed in my gut as I heard a sizzling of an Electro-sapper back in the room we just left. Why would he let us know he's still there? Unless…

The Scattergun being raised against Medic was the first sign that my hypothesis was correct. The second was the rapid fire that followed. Spy's face, the enemy Scout's weapon.

* * *

_I looked over to see Spy padded himself down. "Something wrong, Spook?" He froze before resuming his usual smug posture._

"_Non, I was simply making sure none of zhe balloon's ink got on my suit."_

"_It only hit your mask…" I eyed him carefully before shrugging it off. Never helps to press a spook for details. They either fight or lie. If possible in this contract, they'd probably fly, too._

* * *

It was then… The Administrator banned it after hours, but during matches stealing is considered a grey area. I raised my shotgun to shoot the fake Spy, but a cold metallic object pressed against the nape of my neck. I gulped as I glanced around at the disappearing bodies of my teammates.

"Adieu, Laborer." I gritted my teeth before the bullet ricocheted through the insides of my skull. Sometimes, I wonder if frenchie gets special bullets so that we fear that feeling. I HATE the feeling of those bullets. At least now I don't have to worry about hesitating next time I go to kill him. I hope Slim made his previous death torturous.

Wait. Hold up. I re-materialized in the respawn room with the other mercs, all nauseated and willing to let the BLU's have the win today. Did I really just wish suffering on him? I mean, yeah it's the Spy, but that hasn't happened before. I sat on the bench and grabbed the metal bucket. Maybe it was a spur of the moment type of thing… But what if I'm changing? What if I end up like-

I hurled into the bucket, emptying out what had been my poor excuse of a lunch from earlier. I sighed, spitting out the disgusting acid that remained.

I only looked up when I heard another respawn in progress. Sniper blinked a few times before sitting down next to me. He looked like a traumatized puppy. I patted him on the shoulder.

"Before tha bloody spook killed me, he popped tha balloon." I froze. Sniper's expression remained unreadable, but I knew better than that. He was planning his revenge.

* * *

Author's Note: If you haven't noticed, this is the battle that goes on between Chapter 4 and Chapter 5 in my Schrodinger story. If you want to see Sniper's revenge, you'll have to look in that story. All of my side stories will connect to Schrodinger somehow. I hope you guys like this plan. Even if you don't, I'mma roll with it.

"I appreciate this, Author."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Engie."

"Zhis ez a dedication to zhe laborer, non?"

"... No comment."

Yeah, but only cause he's an unsung hero. 'sides, I can respect his 'I don't give a fuck' attitude. If you're wondering why Schro didn't appear in this story, it's because my side stories, like my Author's notes, will mostly include the mercenaries. They are the real stars of the show, after all. I'm sucking up now cause the next chapters of Schro are interesting. SPOILERS! ;D


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